In This Article Have a direct conversation Develop a schedule for chores and assign people to the task Ask about preferred chores Recognize efforts Avoid criticism
A source of irritation and conflict in many relationships is the division of work around the home .
Today, most men and women have jobs and careers, but women are still expected to continue to manage and maintain the house, care for the kids, and do the cooking and cleaning.
Unfortunately, this type of thinking is not uncommon. Many women put unnecessary pressure on themselves to manage all the traditional roles of a partner, wife, and mother, while still pursuing their professional goals and careers.
At the same time, many men and husbands assume that this is the status quo. They may offer to do a few chores around the house, including the lawn work or basic maintenance and repairs in the home, but they may not offer or step up to do much more.
This can create an imbalance in the relationship where the wife feels overwhelmed and sees the unmotivated husband as lazy. At the same time, the husband may see his work as at work and his time at home as a time to decompress or to relax.
In reality, both are experiencing the challenges of being stuck in traditional or cultural stereotypes of what a man and a woman are responsible for in the relationship. In some cases, the lazy husband factor is a significant issue, and it can cause relationship breakups and divorces .
So, how to deal with a lazy husband?
To address this imbalance in the home’s workload, it is crucial to start making changes. As each situation is different, choose the one you are most comfortable with to start and add additional strategies as you see a difference.
1. Have a direct conversation
Instead of beating around the bush, plan, and schedule a structured, straightforward conversation about your needs.
Be specific and tell your spouse what you require in needs-based terms , rather than just making suggestions or stating your frustration with the lack of help and support.
Another option may be to pair your feelings with a direct request. A request could look like; I am overwhelmed with work; I was hoping you could pick up the kids from school every day this week.
Is this something you can agree to?
This is very different from snapping at your lazy husband; I am overwhelmed with work; why can’t you help out?
2. Develop a schedule for chores and assign people to the task
While this may seem basic, a schedule for completing chores that is consistent week to week is more comfortable to adhere to than a daily request that is continually changing.
Listing the tasks by day for both you and your spouse also makes it clear you are in this together and are both contributing to the work around the house .
3. Ask about preferred chores
Giving your spouse the choice of chores and asking him to commit to getting them done on a schedule is more collaborative than telling him what to do.
Even if you are stuck with some chores you don’t like, you have fewer overall to complete, so there is a positive trade-off to consider.
This is one of the best tactics for dealing with a lazy husband.
4. Recognize efforts
Sometimes, it is important to remember that recognition and positive feedback is still important, even with adults.
When your husband does something around the house, make an effort to thank him, and recognize his choice to help.
Making comments that are sarcastic or dismissive of his efforts will only decrease the likelihood of your lazy husband making an effort again.
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5. Avoid criticism
Turning into the stereotypical nagging housewife will not help to motivate a lazy husband.
In fact, it may lead to serious issues in the relationship, and in the lack of interest in working together as a couple.
While it may seem counterintuitive, spending more time together and doing things you both enjoy can help to build on the relationship and a healthy partnership.
Having a regular date night and just enjoying each other without talking about housework, chores, routines, and day-to-day demands help you to connect and to break out of possible unhealthy conversations and criticisms.
The process starts with an open conversation that is not judgmental. It should state the current situation in realistic terms.
Negotiation and being able to work together on creating a balance of work around the house may not happen immediately. Still, even small changes can make a big difference in your daily workload.
